When you fail at what matters most to you, it hurts. I played my Rachmaninoff for Moldevort yesterday and then he cancelled it because he thought that I wasn't ready. He forgot my recital was coming up. We never scheduled a hearing. So, it's not just my fault.
Then again, accompanying Oklahoma, and rehearsing Stravinsky Concerto with the Wind Ensemble, and going on tour with NSA this semester...it's always looked impossible from the beginning. But that's what I do. Or at least what I used to do.
There's always more to the story, but the fact of the matter is...I'm depressed.
And I need headphones so I can listen to Rachmaninoff. Can I borrow some headphones? Anyone?
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